For The Better

When a guy flakes on you a few times you start to get ideas. You start to imagine that he's hiding something from you. Things like a girlfriend, a kid or two, or even a drug addiction. Until last Saturday, I never realized that I was really limiting guys' shady potential by NOT including things like jail time, possible convict...etc.

I don't know how one would prep themselves for having a guy tell you "I'm out on bail" while on a date and surrounded by 20 of your closest friends. And when he throws out what he's not charged with (rape and drugs) and wants you to guess, I suggest you say "Assault with a deadly weapon" and/or "Attempted murder" because you will be right on the money. And when he proceeds to tell you that he turned down the plea bargain for 7 years and a lesser charge, therefore on trial for a possible LIFE SENTENCE, I suggest you fight the urge to vomit all over him and just smile politely as he plays nervously with your bracelet. When he asks you several times where this leaves "us" just repeat that it's "a lot to take in" and that you'll "need some time to think."

Luckily, he will sense a great deal of awkwardness and let you know that he's going to leave. He's going to ask that you walk him to his car and when he offers to drive you around to the front of the bowling alley, you'll get in thinking I'm going to die. He's going to murder me, but you'll get in because you don't want to hurt his feelings. He's going to tell you how happy it makes him just to spend time with you and that he thinks you're pretty and he'll note twice how beautiful your complexion is. You'll think this is odd, but you'll smile anyway. You'll have the chance to tell him that your not wanting to continue things has very little to do with tonight (lies, all lies), but that he really f-ed things up by not calling you when the two of you made plans. He'll say that you should've called him, that he doesn't even remember doing anything that night. When he asks you to give him a kiss, you will, only because you realize that you could be his last kiss before serving a life sentence.

You'll think, after the fact, that you should've asked him if he has a chance of parol, but realize that this is way too ghetto a conversation to have. You'll end up receiving two calls from him the next day, asking if you two can meet up. You won't return his calls and you'll feel an odd sense of guilt. Your closest friends will spend the day rehashing the night with you and making you feel like you are so much better off without convicts messing up your life. And instead of pitying yourself too much, you'll realize how lucky you are to have friends like this and that things always, always, always work out just the way they should.